For most of my life, I was what I refered to as "serially sick."
I felt like my life was a game of Wack-a-Mole and every time I got one problem under control, another one would flare up.
I was frustrated by the physical, emotional, and spiritual pain that had become a "normal" part of my life.
I spent most days simply managing symptoms and medical appointments in my search for answers. I tried everything I could think of to cure me: Extreme dieting, medications, supplements, talk therapy, cranio sacral therapy, psychiatrists, a nautropath, reading self-help books, exercise programs, and doctor after doctor. Test after test. And while this helped me discover the story of my body, I always felt there was a piece missing. Some great secret about how to be healthy that I had never been told.
And then I hit my rock bottom.
My body and my mind just couldn't handle the strain anymore and I felt like my life was falling apart around me. Throughout my 20's I had been diagnosed with multiple autoimmune and pain disorders and major depression as well as anxiety disorders. I just couldn't understand why I was struggling so much when my life was so "healthy." I ate all the right foods and exercised- in fact nutrition was something I had studied quite extensively. I had an amazing healthcare team which included both Western and Eastern medical practices.
Though I didn't identify as "happy," I didn't necessarily identify as "unhappy." I was sort of existing in this neutral place while I waited for something to happen and change my mood for me.
Everything felt dull, as if I were experiencing my life as an outsider with no control over what happened to me.
When I realized this, how I had been giving my power away to whomever or whatever wanted to claim it, I knew could continue this way and stay in my comfort zone, or I could explore the roots of when and why these issues began. Once I made my decision, I took a deep breath and jumped in and opened a whole realm of information about myself and what my body had been trying to tell me all along.
One of my lowest points during that time was laying in a hospital bed, unable to move because of how much agony I was in and I truly felt that my life was over. I felt hopeless and crushed by the weight of how low I had fallen. I was 29 years old and couldn't fathom going one more day.
But then, laying in the hospital bed with tears streaming down my face, I knew that I was at a point in my life where I had to make another decision. Do I go back to pretending everything is okay and continue to present a persona of health... or do I want to continue my inner work and become health personified?
After everything I had been through, I refused to give in because I believed that my life was the most precious thing I had. That I needed to somehow relax my desire for control and allow others in. To lower my walls and let some of the pain release from my body.
I had always been a fighter. I had taken all the injuries, illnesses, and abuses in stride, feeling powerless against them but also too stubborn to let them win. No matter how impossible life felt, there was a deep knowing within me that I had something unique to contribute to the world.
I was an intuitive, empathetic being who had been stifling my own potential due to the fear of shedding past beliefs.
Once I truly understood this, my eyes were opened to a whole new world of potential.
My life was mine. And I had the power all along.
I had developed an interest in holistic health and nutrition a few years prior which led me to enroll in the health coaching program at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I received invaluable training and information about how every single facet of our lives are connected. Therefore, when one thing is out of harmony, we experience it in other areas of our life.
So I knew that I was missing something, but was stumped as to what it could be.
And then I had my aha! journey. It was not a single moment, but a gradual realization of what had been missing. What the big secret was.
I had not yet found my true north.
I had given up on my dreams and became bogged down in my day-to-day struggles. The emotional and physical pain had flooded my system. Have you heard the expression "you can't see the forest through the trees?" Well, I was so close to the trees that I had literally wandered face first into one and could taste the bark. I was missing the big picture.
When I left that hospital bed, I spent the next year clearing as much of the "crud" out of my system as I could. I discovered the foods that were most nourishing for me and took steps to address the areas of my life that I was disconnected from. I embraced my primary foods, which was the core concept of my health coach training and is the foundation of my coaching practice. I learned a lot from others who were on the same journey as me.
As the fog began to lift, I could see myself more clearly.
I deepened my study of Reiki and opened my mind to the new information and experiences I was having. I began to realize that what I focus on the most is what I was attracting. I had identified as "sick" or "weak" for so long that it was unfathomable to be any other way. And by holding on to that mindset, I was stuck in a loop and allowed those things to become my very identity. Slowly, as I continued my studies in the realm of metaphysics and nutrition, my path became more clear and I was able to chip away at those preexisting beliefs.
I realized that our bodies are the vessels our souls use to interact with the world. And there is so much more to an illness than the way our body experiences it. My chronic digestive issues were very real and very hard on my body. But where did they come from, when did they start? Was it genetics, lifestyle, nutrition, stress, injury, food allergy, or something else? Perhaps a combination. And how was I emotionally and spiritually addressing the issue? Sure, I took my medications and supplements, but what was I doing to relieve the strain on my emotional well-being? What information could I learn about myself?
This led me to realize that I am so much more than my diagnoses. Those are only the names given to the cluster of symptoms I was struggling with.
I am NOT depression. I am NOT chronic pain. I am NOT weak. I am NOT a victim.
Those are the labels given to what my body was experiencing- but those labels are intangible and do not define me as a person. Only I have the power to define who I am.
I am someone who has suffered and can use the pain to become stronger than I ever imagined.
Rather than shrinking and keeping myself small in an effort to contain the pain, I needed to do the opposite. I needed to grow and to thrive. Once I made that commitment, I began to connect with my intuition on a new level.
I needed to grow so my soul could guide me on the path of my highest good.
Even though I may still have moments and days that are challenging- my response to it is a choice that I have the power to make. I went from being completely overwhelmed with how hard my life had become, how impossible it seemed, to feeling a sense of gratitude for every moment.
And now, as a health coach and Reiki practitioner, it is my honor to assist others in connecting to that deep knowing. To be the rock to others as they create a more fulfilling and healthy life. To celebrate all the small steps as they accumulate into an amazing transformation.
To help you bloom into your highest good and connect with potential you may not even realize you have.
I've walked that path and emerged healthier and happier than I have ever been.
And now, it's your turn.
Living my truth set me free.